Maya Mem Saab

Maya Mem Saab

Outside of drag, I identify as a non-binary/gender-fluid gay man. It's funny that I say non-binary man. How can one be a man and non-binary? Well, after having lived a life in a world that is fixated on the gender binary, I believe I am on a spectrum on the gender continuum. I always knew I was not what is considered a traditional masculine man. Even before I knew what or who I was, the world around me called me chukka (similar to f@ggot, but in Hindi), sissy, etc. So, I was forced to face/accept my feminine side. My understanding of the identity did not come through until just a few years back when I started to feel comfortable expressing the parts of me that I had kept hidden.

Clearly, my self-expression has two parts. Being non-binary in my personal life and being this unapologetically proud drag queen who is not shy of creating this beautiful persona. My journey into becoming a drag queen started with accepting my non-binary expression. This meant wearing make-up in my daily life or wearing colorful clothes or outfits I would purchase in the women's section. My first foray was wearing eyeliner and lipstick. I recall one day, I was dropping my son off at school and had lipstick on. He was like, "Are you wearing lipstick?". I told him I was and then asked him how it made him feel seeing his dad wear lipstick. He said it did not bother him. In a way, that is what helped me continue to grow in my self-expression, which finally led me to try to drag. I have never looked back since then.

 

I grew up in Bangalore, India. Ours was a traditional South Indian Hindu family—a very orthodox and conservative upbringing. Praying to god, fasting on festival days, and rituals were very part of our daily lives. I remember my mother being very strict. I think she was who she was because she was raising three boys and was the only female in the house with four other males. This meant a lot of questions about gender were never spoken about, and we would be shut down if we asked anything about that topic. As shared earlier, I was teased and called names in school but was very scared to talk about it at home. So, I internalized all that was going on in my life. As I entered adulthood, life took over. I had to get a job to help my family get out of debt. I got married to a woman because that is what everyone did. We had our son in 2006 and moved to the US the same year. It was only after I moved to the US that I realized that people could come out as gay and not have to force themselves to live the heterosexual lifestyle. To answer the question, my childhood made me a person with strong principles and values. The environment I moved into as an adult slowly helped me understand my identity. My childhood set me up to persevere in adversity, make difficult decisions, and do the right thing. These helped me accept my truth and live an authentic life.

 

The life goal I am working on is to create and hold a safe space for the Queer Community in general and the South Asian Queer community in particular. What I am learning is that there is no one way that things can be done. Achieving goals when we have the community in mind- it literally takes a village to make it happen. I am learning that small steps must be taken to get closer to the goal. It is an ongoing process, and I am not 100% sure I will be able to achieve it, but I know I will be laying the groundwork and creating a path that others can build on.

 

There is no one person that has inspired me. It is my chosen family that inspires me. Their influence has been tremendous. Ever since coming out in 2018, I have met several incredible people who have helped me accept my true self. If it were not for the community, I would not be the person I am today.

This part hits very close to home. As someone who is starting over their life in their 40s, I am worried about getting old and not being able to lead a decent life in retirement.

My son and the future generation give me hope. The youth of this generation are very smart and have access to resources and information we did not have in the past.

It gets better! You are strong, beautiful and smart. You are loveable!

 

Everything happens for a reason. Learn from your experience and grow from it. Do not worry too much about what could have been done differently.

 

I wish people would understand the fluidity and spectrum of gender identity and how embracing one's true self can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life. I want others to see that gender isn't just a binary concept but a continuum where everyone can find their own place. My story highlights the importance of acceptance, both from myself and from others, and the incredible impact that a supportive community can have on personal growth and self-expression.