Sid Seedy

Sid Seedy / Eiljah's Story:

What's your preferred name?

Elijah

What are your pronouns?

he/him

Share with us how you identify and understand yourself.

I identify as a bisexual man who happens to be trans. My understanding of my sexuality has never been quite an "ah-ha!" moment and more of gradual acceptance. My family and friend group have never been opposed to the LGBTQA+ community, and so I was always free to explore myself and my identity in any way I wished without fear of opposition. In 2020, I accepted that I was trans. There had been discussions of it prior, but it wasn't until I got into drag makeup daily to record tiktoks that I truly understood. I'd feel the happiness and a rush of life when I put it on, trying my hardest to make it look natural, and the deep lows when I'd go back to seeing myself in my born gender. So, eventually, I concluded that I'd be happier identifying and transitioning medically to male, and I've never looked back.

Tell us about how your self-expression has helped you grow.

Knowing my true self has allowed me to truly "wake up" to the world around me. It's amazing how much it felt like being asleep. I couldn't see details or retain many memories, almost like I was always a little outside my body. Now, everything feels so much more clear. I can learn and understand more and retain and make memories so much more easily. It truly feels like I was only half-living before, and now I get to experience life to the fullest. I can live up to my true potential and that makes me happiest of all.

Where did you grow up? What was a formative experience you had in childhood that led you to where you are today?

I grew up in Hawai'i on two different islands. For my early life, I grew up on O'ahu, and when I was in my early teenage years, I was moved to what is known as The Big Island, but is Hawai'i proper. I used to constantly put on little plays in my living room, lip-syncing to music even before I knew people could do that as a profession. I think it was playing like that that helped me understand drag when I first saw it and gave me the confidence to try it.

What is a life goal that you are working on or have achieved? How has working towards this goal helped you understand yourself as an individual?

My greatest life goal is to earn a living through acting and storytelling and make art with which people can connect. I've achieved this, but there's always another audience and more people to connect with and share stories with. I don't think the work is ever ending or that these goals have an end, and that's kinda fun, too, because, in many ways, it means I'll never be bored. I'll always be on to the next thing, and as I grow and change, I'll have different stories to tell.

Who is someone who inspired you to be your true self? What was their influence on you?

My father is my greatest influence. He was always kind, even in the face of harsh life circumstances and cruelty. He raised me on many classic movies, classic humor, cartoons, and comics and was always interested in and encouraging of what I was into. Much of my drag persona is a reflection of his kindness and how he never let the idea of masculinity get in the way of his emotions, kindness, and big heart.

What's something that you worry about?

I fear becoming irrelevant or running out of things to say, really. I always want to contribute to the greater conversation, even if that means being a listener for a while. But I fear not being able to participate at all, becoming stagnant, or becoming too inflexible to understand the younger generations as I grow older and more comfortable. I always want to be a student in many ways and keep growing.

What gives you hope?

Small things. The way people enjoy stories or little things. The kindness strangers show each other in little instances in passing or when lumped together in a bad situation. When I can see employees of shops are having a good day or that people feel confident enough to smile back. I think people generally want to understand each other, but we are otherwise told not to even give others grace or the time of day. I think there's validity in ignoring people who are looking for a fight, but I have nothing wrong with answering ignorant questions in the hopes of better understanding or striking up a conversation with anyone, old or young.

If you had a message for your younger self, what would you say?

I think I'd tell them you're actually a boy, and not to blame yourself too hard for many of the things that went wrong. I think she'd be very excited to hear that, if not a bit confused, though (laughs). I'd also say that it was okay to survive like I did and that there will be peace if you are brave enough to crawl through the darkness to find it-- but you're gonna crawl through a lot of darkness, so prepare.

What's a piece of wisdom you've learned that has helped you?

My dad used to have a saying, and I think of it all the time when things are hard; "Nothing can be easy, but not everything can be hard." It sounds weird. How can both exist? But even though things aren't easy, it doesn't exactly mean it'll always be so impossible or frustrating; sometimes, a little effort is necessary to pick myself up and keep going. I say this a lot before I have to make phone calls, or chores especially (laughs).

What is something you wish other people would know or understand?

I don't know, really. I don't expect people to know or understand anything; I just meet them where they are and go from there. Each individual, even within our community, is ignorant of something, and maybe if there's one thing I would say, it's that it's okay to be wrong and for your fellow person to make mistakes. If we harbor love and space, and if they choose to overcome their ignorance or what have you, we'd have a much more caring space than we think we have now. But who knows? I'm certainly not the authoritative voice on what I think people should know while I'm still three or four years into understanding my true self.